Why should Cupid never hit a gardener and a swimmer with the same arrow

May you attract someone who speaks your language so you don’t have to spend a lifetime translating your soul.

This line stuck in my mind while scrolling down my Instagram feed one night and I cannot stop thinking about it since then. The author is unknown, but I am pretty sure by language they meant the way you perceive the world. And the more I read it, the more I convince myself: the key to every happily ever after lies in finding someone who shares the same set of values and interests as you do.

Maybe this explains to some extent why doctors mostly marry doctors and lawyers marry other lawyers. They understand the stress, sleep deprivation and sacrifices that come along with the professional duties. The communication is natural, and they can join forces in ranting how difficult their career path actually is.


However, you might say choosing fish from the lake you swim in will doom your relationship to boredom. Well, if you are both doctors and discuss the deadliest diseases of all time over dinner or test each other on the 206 bones of the human body, then surely that will be the case. But, truth be told, boredom is a stop in every relationship journey: it is up to you to avoid making it the final destination. Sharing the same profession and mindset is a solid basis to step on and work around your problems once the spark in your relationship fades away.

Maybe that is why I have always found it challenging to communicate with men whose passion is different than mine. It feels like explaining to a gardener what it is like to be a swimmer.  Nothing in common. It is all fun and roses, “opposites attract”, until you realise you cannot connect to a deeper level and the only thing uniting you is your McDonalds order. Not even that, when one of you is vegetarian (like I am).

I remember what my high school teacher once told me: “My husband is an engineer and I am a literature teacher. He is not particularly interested in what poem my students had to learn by heart, and neither am I in what machine he had to fix. The only thing we have in common after more than 20 years of marriage is our daughter.”

So, lovebirds, I am not saying that if you are the half of a dual-career marriage you will be miserable for the rest of your life. I simply believe couples who share the same (or similar) career paths and speak the same language are more likely to be a match made in heaven. No doubt, it is always thrilling to get to know someone whose passion is different than yours. But admit it, at the end of the day we all need someone who knows what it is like to be in our shoes (or medical scrubs).


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